Thursday, April 10, 2008

Should You Settle?

The March edition of The Atlantic has an article that legitimately made me upset because I think it highlights some of the problems with society’s view of marriage. The article, written by Lori Gottlieb titled Marry Him—The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough undoubtedly offers an “out of the box” perspective of marriage, but principally wrong (in my opinion), and out of touch with reality nonetheless.

She does; however, offer a fair perspective of some of the challenges facing women these days—especially the unmarried 30 something crowd:

“To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren’t fish who can do without a bicycle, we’re women who want a traditional family. And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried...all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying.”

I don’t disagree with her thoughts here; however, I have a huge issue with her solution. She says: “My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection.” Is this the criteria people use for marriage? To find someone good enough that you may kinda like and decide to marry them? Do you think there is a connection between this type of attitude towards marriage and the fact that 50% of them end in divorce?

Of course the advice to settle arrives from a woman who conceived a child with donor sperm because she hadn’t found Mr. Right. WHAT?! Is this even allowed? The boy now has the pleasure of growing up fatherless because the idea of motherhood couldn’t wait for true love…

I guess at a time when ideals and principles seem to be at an all time low, it’s articles like this that truly make my blood boil…

More of my thoughts on marriage:
The Secret Ingredient for a Successful Marriage
Marriage and Personal Finance: Yes, They Are Related!
Why You Should Get Married


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